Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"Hey, Skipper, make me some iced tea", says Barbie. "What? Make it yourself", says Skipper. "Sudo make me some iced tea", says Barbie. "Oh, okay"
"Hey, Skipper, make me some i…
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. We kicked Cloudlock to the curb. We are now Bettercloud customers!
The next morning, Barbie give…
"Oh my God!", said Barbie. Do you guys *really* run Windows?
"Oh my God!", said Barbie. Do…
things i'm good at: not knowing when to stop
things i'm good at: not knowi…
At computer class, Barbie got to present her game. Ms. Smith is impressed by the polished result, and comments that Barbie might do well in this field if she wanted to. "Yes, I really did enjoy it! Maybe I'll do it as a job one day..." says Barbie.
At computer class, Barbie got…
"Barbie, did you look at the error?" "Fixed, I've pushed to git and deployed already", Barbie says, "It was a small thing, next time rtfm before asking me!"
"Barbie, did you look at the …
After class, Steven and Brian run into Barbie in the library. Not only is she hot as fuck, but she's skipped cheer practice to bang out some assembly code on three computers simultaneously. Steven brags, "Sup bitch. I just added 'Proficient in Microsoft Office' to my resume!" Not about to be one-upped, Brian pipes in, "Well, I've decided to pursue a career as a Social Media Expert!" Barbie shakes her head. "Morons."
After class, Steven and Brian…
??? ??? FEMALE PROGRAMMERS ARENT REAL
…
Let's high five, bitch
Let's high five, bitch
"Now Left 4 Dead 2 will run 20% faster and you'll easily be able to cut that smoker's tongue!" Said Barbie. "Thanks sis," replied Skipper "Steam for Linux is awesome!" "Remember to always carry a sharp mele weapon" Barbie laughed.
"Now Left 4 Dead 2 will run 2…
"I'm creating the design and implementing them" Barbie says, laughing.
"I'm creating the design and …
Barbie tries to email her design to Steven, but suddenly her screen starts blinking. "Dang it there was a virus in an attachment I opened. The ClamAV defintions on my mail server are old because the update requests matched a fail2ban regex and were autoblocked." "I told you not to roll your own", said Skipper. "True," said Barbie. "Why are you even using Windows," Skipper asked. "True," said Barbie and halted the Windows virtual machine she was using before restoring the disk image to an earlier snapshot. "And don't get me started on opening unsigned attachments. You're getting lazy with your security hygiene," continued Skipper. "Screw thiiiiis," bemoaned Barbie.
Barbie tries to email her des…
We showed that bitch. The nude we stole off Skipper's phone are all over 4chan and the top post on /r/gonewild. She's ruined!
We showed that bitch. The nu…
"Someone appears to have submitted their assignment in bytecode," the instructor informed the class. "I'm not grading this shit."
"Someone appears to have subm…
"BARBIE GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!"
"BARBIE GET THE HELL OUT OF H…
While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing a capella at Sarah Lawrence, I was gaining root access to NSA servers.
While you were busy minoring …
"This isn't the real game, it's just the design document." Barbie explained. "A design document is a guide we write to help us make the game. It describes how the game will look and, more importantly, how it will work."
"This isn't the real game, it…
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this is t swift in da club yo i got dis shizzle got a virus dawg yo. i dont need dem boyyss help dawgg
this is t swift in da club yo…
Next on the list is Eliot. They're also open, but with no indexes in Apache. I can run an empty search and it returns all of the images in the database in a single page. Then I can save the page and Mozilla will save all the images for me. Excellent. Moving right along…
Next on the list is Eliot. Th…
"Here guys, take this disc and recover all of my data because I'm Barbie and have no idea what I'm doing. But when you're done, I'll be sure to take the credit and assume I can do this for a living!" Barbie giggled.
"Here guys, take this disc an…
"Wow--you did a great job of retrieving the files and installing top-notch security programs to protect the files," exclaims Steve. "You should write a white paper for your web site to help others who run into similar problems."
"Wow--you did a great job of …
"Back off or I'll tape this CD over your mouth," Barbie warns. "Sorry! No more mansplaining!" Steven says. Brian asks, "Where can I get a sweet pink laptop?"
"Back off or I'll tape this C…
"I get it." She continued. "You are used to a world where women only have value in one facet, their service to you. What you don't understand is that I am capable of power, understanding, and influence orders of magnitude greater than you two could ever conceive of. In here, I create and destroy. You want me? Great. but please bring more to the table than a limp cock and an attitude."
"I get it." She continued. "Y…
"Your robot puppy is so sweet," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "I'm creating the design ideas," Barbie says, and adds, "..before I implement my own compiler for it!"
"Your robot puppy is so sweet…
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