Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "Why are you dressed as a biology teacher?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"It's a dude thing," says the guy. "I say, 'high five' and you clap my hand, like this." "But why?" says Barbie. "I don't know. It's some kind of tribal bonding thing. Dudes can make physical contact without anyone thinking they want to pork each other up the butthole." "Really?" says Barbie. "Do guys want to do that?" "Sometimes. And it hurts like fuck, I can tell you."
"It's a dude thing," says the…
The boys are waiting at CS class, snickering, waiting to hear about her panicked discovery of the virus. Of course, Barbie has anti-malware software and can't be p0wned by some script kiddie. Plus, the boys already opened her spear-phishing email. She can't wait until they check on their homework!
The boys are waiting at CS cl…
"I'm only creating the design ideas, now," Barbie says, laughing. "Once I am done, I'll need it into a real game!"
"I'm only creating the design…
At computer class, Barbie presents the game she designed. Ms. Smith asks which part she played. Barbie's terrific design skills have not made a great impression. So you haven't done any execution of the ideas? You missed the point of this class said Ms. Smith disappointed. I'm afraid that I cannot let you pass this class.
At computer class, Barbie pre…
Ken cried to Barbie, "Dad found my chat logs and has grounded me for the conversations I've been having with my boyfriend!" "No worries," said Barbie, "Here's a copy of his search history, tell him you'll show it to mom if he doesn't back off."
Ken cried to Barbie, "Dad fou…
"Steven, why do you play Skyrim on a PS3?" asks Brian. "You can't get mods there! It's better on a PC." "PC MASTER RACE!" yells Barbie, giving Brian a high-five.
"Steven, why do you play Sk…
"Goddamn Gawker," Barbie muttered after reading their review of her game, suddenly sympathetic to GamerGate.
"Goddamn Gawker," Barbie mutt…
I said no. I think I said your name. Forget him, she said. Midge wants us dead. They'll assume we crossed them. Get on the phone and check our credit. Our credit was gone. They denied that either of us had ever had an account. Haul ass, Skipper said. We ran. Out a service door, into Tokyo traffic, and down into Shinjuku. That was when I understood for the first time the real extent of Midge's reach.
I said no. I think I sai…
"We'd all work better if I put on some Burzum or Meshuggah," said Barbie. "Good thing I ripped their latest albums otherwise we'd be stuck with Steve's Coldplay setlist again." Steve's tear rolled into his latté as he kept quiet.
"We'd all work better if I pu…
"I really want to type up my notes like everyone else, but I didn't realize 'opening the laptop' wasn't going to be covered on day one of the syllabus."
"I really want to type up my …
This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the beauty of the baud. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.
This is our world now... the …
"So, what Wiki-solution would you guys recommend?" Barbie asks. "It needs to be super userfriendly." "MediaWiki?" says Steven. "Git and Markdown plus Jekyll" counters James. "You guys are jackasses" laughs Barbie.
"So, what Wiki-solution would…
"Steven, can you hook Skipper's infected hard drive up to the library's computer?" asks Barbie. "Sure!" says Steven. Listening nearby, the librarian calls campus security.
"Steven, can you hook Skipper…
Hey pigs! Why don't you two go wax each other's testicles while I hammer this algorithm out, mm'kay? And WTF are you guys looking at exactly anyway? Is there beer over there or something?
Hey pigs! Why don't you two g…
"Hm," said Barbie, "I've lost a machine... literally LOST. It responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is."
"Hm," said Barbie, "I've lost…
"I took down the entire grid!" exclaims Steven. "Fantastic!" says Barbie. "Did you take out the dams too?" "I got everything," says Steven. "Now these pathetic technophiles can stop wallowing in their transhumanist cyber-delusions!"
"I took down the entire grid!…
After class, Barbie meets with two guys in the library. "Hi, two guys," says Barbie. I'm wearing glasses to look more intelligent, but I'm just a plastic blond bimbo." "This is news...?" says the guy in the lilac shirt. "I tried to send you my designs, but I ended up landing them on a comet 300 million miles away, crashing my laptop, burning out Skipper's dildo and electrocuting the dog." "If you really want a label, 'idiot savant' might be more appropriate," says the other dude.
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"Just ask /b for help," Steve recommended to Barbie's eternal regret.
"Just ask /b for help," Steve…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "If you spent a quarter of the time coding that you spend practising catalogue poses I wouldn't have to rescue this project. Again." "Ha!" says Brian, "I don't understand."
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"High five. The seniors loved it. We have a great team. Um, where's Brian?" asks Steve. "With Luz, Ms. Lopez's mom, she's encouraging him to learn programming by sharing her story as a developer." "Cool." "She certainly is."
"High five. The seniors loved…
Barbie looked out in dismay. If this book had been well written, Skipper could have been a Computer Engineer instead of a web-cam stripper.
Barbie looked out in dismay. …
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says Barbie. "I have to run off to school now. But I promise to find a way to fix your laptop." "You better! All my pornography's on there." Skipper replies as she playfully hits Barbie with a pillow.
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says…
"Noooo, why are you looking at my Tumblr?" shrieks Skipper. "I've got private stuff there, and I told you not to look!" "I didn't look on purpose!" says Barbie. "You left yourself logged in on my laptop! All you do is reblog gifs of Benedict Cumberbatch anyway."
"Noooo, why are you lookin…
"This banana is delicious," says Skipper. "Do you want one?" "No, I'm too busy defending my code decisions to a bunch of gamergate assholes," Barbie says, facepalming.
"This banana is delicious," s…
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