Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"I'm telling you, Steven" exclaims Barbie, "Rawhide better than released versions, as you get more fixes!" "Great!" says Steven. "I'm going to update my production systems to this image you created last night with livecd-creator."
"I'm telling you, Steven" exc…
"Dick pics!" Skipper wailed, and broke the laptop monitor in two against her forehead. "If I wanted to see hairy shrimp, I'd go throw the dog's hair clippings at a Red Lobster kitchen! Why do they even think this is enticing?!" "I'm glad I keep kosher," Barbie answered, looking faintly nauseated. "That image, Skip." "It was necessary!"
"Dick pics!" Skipper wailed, …
Barbie installed leftie Dvorak on one laptop and rightie Dvorak on the other laptop, then plugged in a three-way monitor splitter. "This way I can maintain visual efficiency while still dicking around," she told two strangers who didn't care.
Barbie installed leftie Dvora…
"Xilinx is cheaper than Altera, and we've already got the tooling!" yelled Skipper. "You are done with procurement forever!"
"Xilinx is cheaper than Alter…
Don't touch me shitty boo boo, you totally bombed the rr!
Don't touch me shitty boo boo…
"Brian and I can help," offers Steven. "No thanks Seven, despite gender stereotyping of women being incompetent and reliant on men, and the 'dumb blond' stereotype, I am a self sufficient woman who can actually figure out things for myself!" says Barbie. "Steven, can you and the toy company that designs this crap stop being so sexist?" "Sure!" says Steven. "Great!" replies Barbie. "I'm sick and tired of the media portrayal of women as helpless, flawless people who only exist to obey men's ever command and to look pretty."
"Brian and I can help," offer…
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. Skipper types the word "kittens," and it doesn't autocorrect to "mittens." "You fixed Microsoft Word!" cries Skipper. "You are just too cool, Barbie! You fixed my computer and saved my homework!" Skipper gives Barbie a big hug.
The next morning, Barbie give…
Today we're learning binary to be able to communicate with our singular(ity) overlord.
Today we're learning binary t…
"Your robot puppy is so sweet," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "I'm only creating the design ideas," Barbie says, laughing, "I'll need Steven's and Brian's help to turn it into THE KILLER DRONE ROBOT THAT THE PATRIARCHY DEMANDS"
"Your robot puppy is so sweet…
One Barbie with 2 laptops, a large-format monitor, and a venti from Starbucks can do the work of two men! Amazing!
One Barbie with 2 laptops, a …
"Ok guys, proper #OPSEC requires we do not leave traces of our drug purchases. Do you have the CD I gave you?" says Barbie."Yes, but why do we need a CD to buy drugs?" asks Steve. "Well Steve, the NSA is obviously interested in whether you get high or not. Therefore all your illegal doings should be conducted in a secure OS. I recommend TAILS and that's what on the CD!"
"Ok guys, proper #OPSEC requi…
Where does this get shared to?
Where does this get shared to?
"I'm discussing the design ideas online with Steven and Brian," Barbie says, smiling. "We want to think through the features we might need before we start coding!"
"I'm discussing the design id…
"I have always wanted to learn how to do this," says Steven, "can you help me?" - "Sure!" says Barbie. "You see that plug in the back? That's it, there you go!"
"I have always wanted to lear…
"Do you want some iced tea?" "NO. I'm trying to finish my edits on this Wikipedia article about Grace Hopper before I head off to work...SHHHH!!"
"Do you want some iced tea?" …
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I reviewed your code and I have some feedback."
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"I can't believe I have to look up regex syntax again," Barbie says, laughing. "I'll need Steven's and Brian's help to test it when I'm done!"
"I can't believe I have to lo…
Programming can be very difficult. But in life, you must choose the difficult things you will struggle with, and which you don't. I have chosen the difficult task of creating cute robots that can self-assemble into acrobatic formations, recite French poetry, and perform novel adaptations of classic literature. I can't even remember the stupid things that troubled me before. In programming, we have a term for those kinds of things. We call them "trivial".
Programming can be very diffi…
I am going to do this on my own!
I am going to do this on my o…
Barbie tries to email her design to Steven, but suddenly her screen starts blinking. "That's weird!" says Barbie, "Was Ken using this computer? He is always surfing porn sites full of malware." Barbie and Skipper try to reboot the computer but nothing happens. "At least this time it's just a *computer* virus, big sister," says Skipper.
Barbie tries to email her des…
Who the fuck wrote the product criterias and coded this shit? If this got tested professionally, it would be a failure even before release.
Who the fuck wrote the produc…
"Yes, it is really cool." Barbie says. "Would you like to beta test it when it's done?"
"Yes, it is really cool." Bar…
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. Skipper turns on her laptop--and it works! "My lost assignment!" cries Skipper. "You are just too cool, Barbie! you fixed my computer and saved my homework!" Skipper caresses Barbie's neck gently. She is so thankful that Barbie saved the day, how could she ever repay her?
The next morning, Barbie give…
It's 7:00 AM and already Barbie is studying when Skipper gets up. "Good morning Skipper! I would have breakfast with you but I watch CBTnuggets while I'm eating. I have to study constantly, since I get a new certification every month! Have you considered going for your RHCE? Linux admins are in high demand right now, I'm thinking of doing that after I finish my CCNASec and my CISSP."
It's 7:00 AM and already Barb…
Barbie has not slept in thirty-eight hours because the Cloud version of Photosnop is an unstable, clunky, proprietary piece of excrement, and destroyed her vector work no less than five times. She kludged this together in GIMP, and the supervisor will never know. Cloud subscriptions can go die in a fire.
Barbie has not slept in thirt…
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