Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "Can we use Haskell for this assignment, Ms. Smith? The constant type errors in Python are just making me nuts!"
Barbie makes it to computer c…
HALP ASSIST. INTERNET NO WORKS
HALP ASSIST. INTERNET NO WORKS
At computer class, Barbie presents the game she designed. "It looks like a cute game", Barbie explains, "but its main purpose is to add their computer to my bitcoin-mining botnet". Ms. Smith is so impressed that she gives Barbie extra credit!
At computer class, Barbie pre…
EVERYBODY FUCKING JUMP
EVERYBODY FUCKING JUMP
Barbie didn't you major in computer engineering? Yes I did, I should get t work on this, you guys can hang out here wile I figure this out.
Barbie didn't you major in co…
Github is down? Seriously? Hmmmm. Happens. Barbie force refreshes chrome canary but still gets 500 errors. She hits up Steve on irc but he's not around. No one seems to be online. Suddenly her screen starts blinking. "That's weird!" says Barbie. Barbie and Skipper try to reboot the computer but nothing happens. "Looks like a blast from an EMP generator," says Skipper.
Github is down? Seriously? H…
"I can't believe Steve tried to teach me how to create this website when everyone knows I'm a gazillion times better at computers than he is."
"I can't believe Steve tried …
"Profe ¿como se le quita los virus a un computador?" pregunta Barbie. "¿a caso soy una puta gorda fea que no se la come ni el oxido, hija de mil putas?" responde la profesora "Mejor ponte a mamarle la verga a tus compañeros de clase para que te los quiten. maldita putaza" le recomendó.
"Profe ¿como se le quita los …
"Holy shit Skipper", says Barbie, "someone has been using memcached as a storage layer again. Can you fire up the git blame while I'm hotfixing prod with a few reverts?"
"Holy shit Skipper", says Bar…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. "Today we're going to talk about free software licenses." says Ms. Smith, the teacher. "Oh sweet! I've been looking forward to this chapter all semester!" says Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"So you're saying once you're done this program you can really 3D print a dog?" Skipper licked her lips, imagining the possibilities. She was so hungry.
"So you're saying once you're…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "What if Penny met a dinosaur?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "No worries" says Barbie. "I am more than capable of completing simple computer tasks" "Ok" says Steven, respecting Barbie's wishes.
"It will go faster if Brian a…
Barbie sat down to her laptop to pull down Skipper's code from Github, but let out a shriek after the clone was finished "WTF Skipper?" cried Barbie. "What, what happened?" said Skipper, pouring her fourth glass of Soylent this morning. "First, you're using a fucking MongoDB backend? Do you like to see your data suffer?" "Fuck off, Barbie, this is 2014. Everyone knows schemas are bullshit," replied Skipper, wiping the soylent froth off her mouth. "Whatever. Second, why did you use an original BSD license? Do you even give a shit about your freedoms?"
Barbie sat down to her laptop…
"Someone is wrong on the Internet!" said Barbie as she furiously typed away..
"Someone is wrong on the Inte…
"A CD?" Barbie observed. "What do you think this is Brian? The fucking 90s? What are you going to hand me next? A minidisc?" Brian slowly put the minidisc back in his pocket.
"A CD?" Barbie observed. "Wha…
At computer class, Barbie presents the game she designed. "It looks like a game, but its main purpose is to add the computer to my Bitcoin-mining Botnet"", Barbie explains. Ms. Smith is so impressed that she gives Barbie extra credit!
At computer class, Barbie pre…
"Thanks for explaining why GOTOs are bad programming practice, big sister," said Skipper. "No problem," said Barbie. "Sisters don't let sisters write spaghetti code."
"Thanks for explaining why GO…
When Barbie puts her flash drive into Skipper's MacBook, the screen turns blue. "Oh no!" says Barbie. "You must have a virus too!" "I forgot to back up my Facebook profile!" cries Skipper. "And my Instagram account! My whole LIFE is gone!"
When Barbie puts her flash dr…
Can you guys get the fuck out of here. Can't you see I'm busy? I'm literally using three computers at once.
Can you guys get the fuck out…
get your jizz hands off my computer!
get your jizz hands off my co…
"Listen, my app is great, I'm basically the next Zuckerburg" said the Brogrammer. "Oh, so you're going to try and exploit young women's digital lives to establish an invasive and manipulative digital empire?" said Barbie. "Actually," he said, "It's an app to split beer costs for friends!!" Barbie sighed.
"Listen, my app is great, I'm…
"I'm just implementing my flawed encryption and incorporating it on the NSA's network," laughs Barbie. I'll need Steven and Brian to be the fall-guys when this shit blows wide open.
"I'm just implementing my fla…
Go fuck yourself Barbie!
Go fuck yourself Barbie!
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more (170 pages)