Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"I'm not going on the top of your christmas tree!" grimaced Barbie. "I'm too busy fixing this bug."
"I'm not going on the top of …
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
What the fuck did you just fu…
Barbie tries to email her design to Steven, but suddenly her screen starts blinking. "That's weird!" says Barbie. Barbie and Skipper try to reboot the computer but nothing happens. "Looks like you've got a virus, big sister," says Skipper. "Stop downloading so much porn and maybe things would be different."
Barbie tries to email her des…
"I can't help you with your homework now," Barbie says. "I'm too busy reading this thread on 4chan. If I laugh, I lose!"
"I can't help you with your h…
How can you see into my eyes Like open doors? Leading you down into my core Where I've become so numb Without a soul My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold Until you find it there And lead it back home (Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become Now that I know what I'm without You can't just leave me Breathe into me and make me real Bring me to life (Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and save me fr
How can you see into my eyes …
Barbie tries to download the latest season of Game of Thrones from the Pirate Bay, but the website seems to be down. "That's weird!" says Barbie. Skipper makes herself breakfast while Barbie panics because she can't wait another minute to find out what happens on the show. "You wouldn't download a car," says Skipper.
Barbie tries to download the …
"Your robot puppy is so sweet," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "No way," Barbie says, laughing, "Did you learn anything from this god awful book? Only men can play video games."
"Your robot puppy is so sweet…
Hey, salut! Tu connais Béatrice Mayoraz?
Hey, salut! Tu connais Béatri…
Barbie, home at last and tired from a 24-hour beat-the-deadline coding session, bumped her sister into her laptop. "I love to code, but I have to take better care of myself too. Work/life balance is important!
Barbie, home at last and tire…
"I'm only creating the 3d rigid body simulation for our new game," Barbie says, laughing. "I asked Steven and Brian if they would be so nice and make some quick unit tests!"
"I'm only creating the 3d rig…
The boys were struggling with an oops in the upcoming version of their kernel so went to Barbie for help. "See" said Barbie, "it's a simple use-after-free" error, "c'mon guys this is basic, get your shit together". Barbie ran the trinity fuzzer for 5 days then submitted the patch to the LKML. Instantly, she got trolled with rape threats for not running checkpatch.pl so she wrote to the mothers of all the other devs. The next kernel took a little longer as all the boys got grounded.
The boys were struggling with…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I'm redesigning the storage architecture. Who told you these controllers were on the HCL?
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"Wanna play some CoD, Barbie?" asks Brian. "Nah," replies Barbie. "I'm an MLG stealth pro (sponsored by Mountain Dew) and I'd 360 noscope your bitch ass. Don't wanna make you cry, Brian."
"Wanna play some CoD, Barbie?…
git merge development... 19 conflicts? What the fuck? Fuck this, I'm going back to dropbox
git merge development... 19 c…
"Be quiet," Barbie whispered. "I'm watching the latest Orange is the New Black and enjoying sour cream."
"Be quiet," Barbie whispered.…
"Your robot puppy is so sweet," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "I'm still working on the program" Barbie says, laughing, "I need to convert the hard drive programming back to D3 before it works".
"Your robot puppy is so sweet…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. I I tried sending the designs to you but ended up crashing my laptop--and Skipper's, too! Could you show me how to get back the lost files and repair both of our laptops?"
After class, Barbie meets wit…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. I have shared my designs with you guys using cloud based docs. I also spent some type writing a prototype. We can split the work so that we can create this faster. Isnt that what team work is about?
After class, Barbie meets wit…
Now I'm getting the ???????????????? bugs on ATI and nVidia. That's ????????????????????????????????.
Now I'm getting the ?????????…
"For the last time I told you idiots, just because sleep sort works in O(n) time, doesn't mean it's faster."
"For the last time I told you…
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says Barbie. "I have to run off to school now. But I promise to find a way to fix your laptop. When its all fixed I'll show you how I did it so you can fix it next time." "You better!" Skipper replies as she playfully hits Barbie with a pillow.
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says…
Steven and Brian are so limited in their understanding of technology. I am helping them with the bad design ideas they came up with and I am going to have to make this into a REAL game!
Steven and Brian are so limit…
"Seriously, Barbie?" says Skipper. Can I please play a game that doesn't conform to gender stereotypes?"
"Seriously, Barbie?" says Ski…
"So," says Barbie, "I have an idea for a game. You'll hate it, though. It's about an 18 year old girl subverting gender stereotypes by going to college in a STEM field of the player's choice. She'll have to battle chauvinistic classmates and teachers, while facing realistic young adult problems. I know it's not what you usually look at, but take a break from being sexist douchebags for once. Here, I have the blueprints.
"So," says Barbie, "I have an…
Of course...the girl's laptop has or be fucking PINK.
Of course...the girl's laptop…
more (170 pages)