Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"I don't care what you say, Barbie, I'm going to marry the Internet!", cried Skipper. "But that's forbidden love!", Barbie replied in dismay.
"I don't care what you say, B…
About a half-hour before classes began, Barbie hosts a little Python workshop for all the beginners. "What is the second laptop for?" asks Steven. "I code in Windows, but I like to keep a Linux machine to run my gaming servers."
About a half-hour before clas…
Barbie tries to email her design to Steven, which is pretty straight-foward and unlikely to cause any serious issues if you have even a rudimentary understanding of the internet. Barbie spends the rest of her morning coding the game she designed.
Barbie tries to email her des…
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "Great!" ys Barbie. "Steven, can you hook Skipper's hard drive up to the library's computer?" "Sure!" says Steven. "The library computer has excellent security software to protect it."
"It will go faster if Brian a…
"It will go faster if Brian and I fuck you," offers Steven. "Great!" says Barbie. "Steven, can you hook Skipper's USB up to the my computer?" "Sure!" says Steven. "My USB has excellent anti-virus software to protect it."
"It will go faster if Brian a…
Barbie writes on two laptops simultaneously. "Have you even compiled it yet?" Brian asks. Barbie is way too coked up to give a coherent answer.
Barbie writes on two laptops …
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. Skipper turns on her laptop--and Barbie has fucked up her partition table beyond repair! Skipper cuts off Barbies air supply permanently.
The next morning, Barbie give…
"What is this, Brian!?" asked Barbie. "Have you ever heard of GitHub? It's how we share code in 2015! My laptop doesn't have a DVD drive."
"What is this, Brian!?" asked…
"What is this, Brian!?" Barbie asked. "Have you ever heard of GitHub? It's how we share code in 2014. My laptop doesn't even have a DVD drive."
"What is this, Brian!?" Barbi…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "If it's too hard for women to do any of this, why are you teaching us?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"This laptop is my workhorse" said Barbie proudly, "I have vagrant running four VMs and Jenkins in the background and you don't even hear the fans"
"This laptop is my workhorse"…
Barbie was stuck trying to make things collide at 3 am. "WHY DID WE CHOOSE GAMEMAKER FOR THE GAME JAM KEN??" she said. "Fenix Rage lolololol" answered Ken.
Barbie was stuck trying to ma…
"Need any help ?" asked Steven. "No thanks", said Barbie. I'm doing the HTML template with my left hand and the CSS with my rigth, so there's no spare keyboard. "What about the javascript ?" asked Brian. "I'll just bang my head on the desk" replied Barbie.
"Need any help ?" asked Steve…
"I can't believe it, Skipper. Someone's written yet another Javascript framework. I need that like I need a fucking hole in my head."
"I can't believe it, Skipper.…
"You see, that's why you suck at Emacs," said Steven, "your fingers aren't abnormally long and insanely flexible, like mine."
"You see, that's why you suck…
"Chin up, boys, your hearts were in the right place. You are not the first guys to try to code Risk 2210 in Visual Basic," Barbie said.
"Chin up, boys, your hearts w…
Skipper hugged and twisted, just like the strange man taught her. Barbie's neck snapping sounded like a kernel of popcorn crunching.
Skipper hugged and twisted, j…
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. Skipper turns on her laptop--and it works! "My lost assignment!" cries Skipper. "You are just too cool, Barbie! you fixed my computer and saved my homework!" Skipper gives Barbie a big hug.
The next morning, Barbie give…
When Barbie puts her cd drive into Skipper's laptop, the screen starts blinking. "Oh no!" says Barbie. "The virus must be on the flash drive!" "I forgot to back up my homework assignment!" cries Skipper. "And all my music files are lost, too!"
When Barbie puts her cd drive…
After class, Steven and Brian shows up in the library. "Sorry dudes," says Barbie. "I'm busy writing prepared statements and stored procedures into the SQL server code on the library network. The administrator on campus is such an amateur. He didn't even know how you DDOSed the server last night. And for what reason? Accessing Brenda's private pics? you guys are so premature..."
After class, Steven and Brian…
"No unit tests?" Barbie muttered as she furrowed her brow. She continued, "And what are you even trying to do on line 62? Do you even understand - like, conceptually - what bit-shifting is?" Kevin's code review is not going well. "Nah, son - take that weak shit back to DeVry". Later, Kevin's phone lights up with a new notification: "@barbie has closed your pull request".
"No unit tests?" Barbie mutte…
Danny makes it to cooking class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Danny raises her hand. "Yes, Danny?" asks Ms. Powell, the teacher. "If your salad gets the wrong dressing and tastes bad, how can you keep the tomatoes?" asks Danny.
Danny makes it to cooking cla…
"Skipper, what are you looking at?" Barbie asks her cute little sister, walking up to her. Skipper leaps in front of her laptop. "Nothing, Barbie!" Barbie, suspicious, pushes Skipper out of the way. "Is that Benedict Cumberbatch? Why is he kissing that other guy from Sherlock? What is this... Tumbl-r?" Skipper hugs her laptop. "It's called Johnlock, you uncultured swine!"
"Skipper, what are you lookin…
"Goddammit!" Barbie shouts. Skipper, a little disturbed, continues pouring an unspecified, nearly-colorless juice into her cup. "Barbie, are you all right?" "Of course not, you idiot. Our parents are missing, most likely dead, the economy's in a state of emergency, my flawless hair has too much mass for my head, and Assassin's Creed IV just crashed, right when I was about to board a loaded ship!"
"Goddammit!" Barbie shouts. S…
"I'm so glad that we're all equal partners on this project," Brian says, typing on his pink computer, which is societally acceptable for a boy to have (in the perfect world.) Barbie nods in agreement. "Yes! Ms. Smith'll definitely give us an A." "Oh, yeah, Barbie, thanks for helping me with the AI on our game," Steven says gratefully. "You're welcome, Steve," she replies. "I took a class specifically on AI, so I'm pretty good with it."
"I'm so glad that we're all e…
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