Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"This robot puppy has appealing eyes," said Skipper, "but can't we do better than Steven's and Brian's flat boring rendering?" "My thoughts exactly!" Barbie agreed.
"This robot puppy has appeali…
"That's the last time I fix your Pi for you!" exclaimed Barbie. "Next time you try to install Debian using a staple gun as a driver, don't come crying."
"That's the last time I fix y…
"What the shit are you trying to do, Steve? Stop trying to fucking unplug my computer, you fucking scrub." Barbie sighs in pity. "Here, Steve, go play with this uh, disc...if we need your uh, brains, we'll call you."
"What the shit are you trying…
For fucks sake, Skipper. There must be a helluva turd clogging up our Internet pipes.
For fucks sake, Skipper. Ther…
When Barbie puts her flash drive into Skipper's laptop, the screen starts blinking. "Oh no!" says Barbie. "The virus must be on the flash drive!" "I forgot to back up my homework assignment!" criqwwes Skipper. "And all my music files are lost, too!"
When Barbie puts her flash dr…
"We're trying to build something useful, not play with toys, you silly js fanboys," says Barbie. "I rewrote your cruft in PHP/MySQL and js -- not jquery or angular or react -- and now it's actually working. Lunch is on me, doofuses."
"We're trying to build someth…
These clowns are using node js. Let's get outta here
These clowns are using node j…
Steve and Brian complement Barbie on her 1337 debugging skills. “How do you do it?” they ask in amazement. “It’s mostly about focus” she says without looking up, "but if I were you I’d learn the different between increment and excrement. Your code is crap!”
Steve and Brian complement Ba…
"I don't care what you say, Barbie, I'm going to marry the Internet!", cried Skipper. "But that's forbidden love!", Barbie replied in dismay.
"I don't care what you say, B…
About a half-hour before classes began, Barbie hosts a little Python workshop for all the beginners. "What is the second laptop for?" asks Steven. "I code in Windows, but I like to keep a Linux machine to run my gaming servers."
About a half-hour before clas…
Barbie tries to email her design to Steven, which is pretty straight-foward and unlikely to cause any serious issues if you have even a rudimentary understanding of the internet. Barbie spends the rest of her morning coding the game she designed.
Barbie tries to email her des…
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "Great!" ys Barbie. "Steven, can you hook Skipper's hard drive up to the library's computer?" "Sure!" says Steven. "The library computer has excellent security software to protect it."
"It will go faster if Brian a…
"It will go faster if Brian and I fuck you," offers Steven. "Great!" says Barbie. "Steven, can you hook Skipper's USB up to the my computer?" "Sure!" says Steven. "My USB has excellent anti-virus software to protect it."
"It will go faster if Brian a…
Barbie writes on two laptops simultaneously. "Have you even compiled it yet?" Brian asks. Barbie is way too coked up to give a coherent answer.
Barbie writes on two laptops …
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. Skipper turns on her laptop--and Barbie has fucked up her partition table beyond repair! Skipper cuts off Barbies air supply permanently.
The next morning, Barbie give…
"What is this, Brian!?" asked Barbie. "Have you ever heard of GitHub? It's how we share code in 2015! My laptop doesn't have a DVD drive."
"What is this, Brian!?" asked…
"What is this, Brian!?" Barbie asked. "Have you ever heard of GitHub? It's how we share code in 2014. My laptop doesn't even have a DVD drive."
"What is this, Brian!?" Barbi…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "If it's too hard for women to do any of this, why are you teaching us?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"This laptop is my workhorse" said Barbie proudly, "I have vagrant running four VMs and Jenkins in the background and you don't even hear the fans"
"This laptop is my workhorse"…
Barbie was stuck trying to make things collide at 3 am. "WHY DID WE CHOOSE GAMEMAKER FOR THE GAME JAM KEN??" she said. "Fenix Rage lolololol" answered Ken.
Barbie was stuck trying to ma…
"Need any help ?" asked Steven. "No thanks", said Barbie. I'm doing the HTML template with my left hand and the CSS with my rigth, so there's no spare keyboard. "What about the javascript ?" asked Brian. "I'll just bang my head on the desk" replied Barbie.
"Need any help ?" asked Steve…
"I can't believe it, Skipper. Someone's written yet another Javascript framework. I need that like I need a fucking hole in my head."
"I can't believe it, Skipper.…
"You see, that's why you suck at Emacs," said Steven, "your fingers aren't abnormally long and insanely flexible, like mine."
"You see, that's why you suck…
"Chin up, boys, your hearts were in the right place. You are not the first guys to try to code Risk 2210 in Visual Basic," Barbie said.
"Chin up, boys, your hearts w…
Skipper hugged and twisted, just like the strange man taught her. Barbie's neck snapping sounded like a kernel of popcorn crunching.
Skipper hugged and twisted, j…
more (170 pages)