Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

Barbie investigates a production bug. "It worked on my machine!" she exclaims. Skipper smugly pours out an iced coffee while she waits for her test suite to finish.
Barbie investigates a product…
Skipper est venue en panique voir Barbie car elle a lu un article sur la protection des données sur Internet et ne se sent plus en sécurité. «Ne t'inquiètes pas, la rassure Barbie, je suis allée à une cryptoparty la semaine dernière, je vais t'expliquer comment te connecter au réseau Tor pour que ton adresse IP soit cachée quand tu regardes des films X.»
Skipper est venue en panique …
‘Congratulations,’ I heard Barbie say. ‘We just became an Eastern Seaboard Fission Authority inspection probe...’ That meant we were clearing fiberoptic lines with the cybernetic equivalent of a fire siren, but in the simulation matrix we seemed to rush straight for Midge's data base. I couldn’t see it yet, but I already knew those walls were waiting. Walls of shadow, walls of ice. ‘Son of a bitch,’ said Barbie, ‘we just told Midge we’re an IRS audit and three Supreme Court subpoenas... Hang on to your ass, Skip...’ So long, Ricky. Maybe now I see you never. And dark, so dark, in the halls of Midge's ice.
‘Congratulations,’ I heard Ba…
For fucks sake it's 4am and I am getting a page fault.
For fucks sake it's 4am and I…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "I know the assignment was to design a website, but I got frustrated with that stupid Adobe In-Design and wrote a b-tree lookup algorithm that is, in the worst case, O(log n) in search time complexity. Is this ok? I really HATE Adobe products..."
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"Oh no," cried Barbie, "my computer's crashed! Just when Fabric.com has 15 per cent off metallic!"
"Oh no," cried Barbie, "my co…
Barbie tries to email her design to Steven, but suddenly, her screen shows a big red warning sign! "Your Personal Files Are Encrypted!", the warning read. OMG! Barbie has 72 hours to pay a $500 ransom to Romanian hackers before the private key is destroyed.
Barbie tries to email her des…
Do neither of you know how to use source control?
Do neither of you know how to…
"It's a UNIX system! I know this!"
"It's a UNIX system! I know t…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I wanted to take a look at your pull requests to my game, but I was helping my sister recover from a computer crash!"
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"Oh, look at the time! I better hurry if I'm going to make it to class on time," Barbie says. "I need to get my satchel. I think I left it in your room last night, Skipper."
"Oh, look at the time! I bet…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "How was football practice? Nevermind, I don't really care. Brian, I made a new iOS build for your phone, but the UI has some scaling bugs and the performance lags to hell if you leave it soaking for more than thirty minutes. I'm pulling down XCode now, I'll have a patch for you in no time!"
After class, Barbie meets wit…
Barbie boots Ubuntu on Skipper's laptop, but Skipper panics when she can't find a Start Menu. "Don't worry!" says Barbie. "I just booted Linux from a live USB so I don't have a shit-for-brains command line interface. Your files are all still there." Skipper is intrigued by the new operating system and decides to find out more about it later.
Barbie boots Ubuntu on Skippe…
"Wow, I just pulled another all night'er getting my Cassandra cluster Puppetized, but now that my infrastructure is codified, I can kick my feet up and have a beer!"
"Wow, I just pulled another a…
«Ca ira plus vite si Brian et moi t'aidons», propose Steven. «Vous voulez rire ? répond Barbie. Vous gravez encore tous vos fichiers sur CD-rom alors que j'ai fait une sauvegarde des miens dans le Cloud. Evidemment, je les ai cryptés au préalable, parce qu'on ne peut pas être totalement sûr que personne n'y ait accès»
«Ca ira plus vite si Brian et…
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. Skipper turns on her laptop--and it logs directly into ARPAnet, command prompt blinking! "Oh my god!" cries Skipper. "Now we can sabotage the evil US drone program and change the course of human history!" Skipper gives Barbie a big hug.
The next morning, Barbie give…
The next morning, Barbie beat Skipper in Call of Duty. "You bitch, Imma choke you!" Said Skipper. Barbie laughed and teabagged her character.
The next morning, Barbie beat…
When Barbie puts her flash drive into Skipper's laptop, the screen starts blinking. "Oh no!" says Barbie. "The virus must be on the flash drive!" "I forgot to back up my homework assignment!" cries Skipper. "It's ok...", Barbie interjects, "I know BASH inside and out, I can SSH into your laptop from mine and we can recover your data files." "You're the best Barbie!! Can you teach me BASH?"
When Barbie puts her flash dr…
As soon as computer class begins, Barbie asks Mrs. Smith "If your computer gets a virus and crashes, how can you retrieve all the files you lost?" Mrs. Smith answers "Take it to the guys in IT, who'll berate you for not running an anti-virus, or for making ASK.COM your home page."
As soon as computer class beg…
At breakfast one morning, Barbie is hard at work on her laptop designing a game that shows kids how computers work. "You can make a robot puppy do cute tricks by matching up colored blocks!" Barbie explains.
At breakfast one morning, Bar…
"I've got Skipper's assignment from the hard drive!" exclaims Barbie. "Fantastic!" says Steven. "And her other files, as well?" "I've got everything," says Barbie. "Now I can show you how to retrieve the files from your hard drive, Steven. Both laptops will be as good as new in no time!"
"I've got Skipper's assignmen…
"I need more zombies," Barbie says, laughing.
"I need more zombies," Barbie…
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says Barbie. "I have to run off to school now. But I promise to find a way to fix your laptop." "Pfft, you go. I'll just Google for a solution myself if you can't help me!" Skipper replies as she hits Barbie with a pillow.
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says…
"GET REKT N00BS"
"GET REKT N00BS"
"Your robot puppy is so sweet," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "Sure! I'm still working on it, but it should be done today," Barbie said.
"Your robot puppy is so sweet…
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