Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

After class, Steven and Brian are fucking around in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I'm crushing code over here, could you CTRL-X, CTRL-V yourselves somewhere else?"
After class, Steven and Brian…
Here, you two watch this dvd somewhere you can't break anything. How much did your parents have to donate to the school for you to go here?
Here, you two watch this dvd …
"You better hurry!" Skipper replies as she playfully hits Barbie with a pillow. "You're going to be late." "Okay, okay," Barbie laughs as she heads off to school.
"You better hurry!" Skipper r…
"Steve and and Brian are great at coming up with the design ideas, aren't they?" Barbie says, laughing. "But they'll need my coding skills to turn it into a real game!"
"Steve and and Brian are grea…
Barbie tries to email her design to Steven, but suddenly her screen starts blinking. "That's weird!" says Barbie. Barbie and Skipper try to reboot the computer but nothing happens. "Looks like you've got a virus, big sister," says Skipper. "But Chad always wears protection!" cried Barbie.
Barbie tries to email her des…
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. Skipper turns on her laptop--and it works! "Thanks, Barbie! Now I can compare the latest version to the cloud-saved backup you showed me how to set up! Thanks for showing me how to solve my own problems instead of doing everything for me!"
The next morning, Barbie give…
"That's everything synchronised to GitHub," said Barbie. "I'll look at your pull requests in a minute."
"That's everything synchronis…
Skipper rushes ahead of Barbie. "I, uh, need to get my laptop too." Skipper says as she races to her desk. "That seems strange," thought Barbie.
Skipper rushes ahead of Barbi…
Barbie investigates a production bug. "It worked on my machine!" she exclaims. Skipper smugly pours out an iced coffee while she waits for her test suite to finish.
Barbie investigates a product…
Skipper est venue en panique voir Barbie car elle a lu un article sur la protection des données sur Internet et ne se sent plus en sécurité. «Ne t'inquiètes pas, la rassure Barbie, je suis allée à une cryptoparty la semaine dernière, je vais t'expliquer comment te connecter au réseau Tor pour que ton adresse IP soit cachée quand tu regardes des films X.»
Skipper est venue en panique …
‘Congratulations,’ I heard Barbie say. ‘We just became an Eastern Seaboard Fission Authority inspection probe...’ That meant we were clearing fiberoptic lines with the cybernetic equivalent of a fire siren, but in the simulation matrix we seemed to rush straight for Midge's data base. I couldn’t see it yet, but I already knew those walls were waiting. Walls of shadow, walls of ice. ‘Son of a bitch,’ said Barbie, ‘we just told Midge we’re an IRS audit and three Supreme Court subpoenas... Hang on to your ass, Skip...’ So long, Ricky. Maybe now I see you never. And dark, so dark, in the halls of Midge's ice.
‘Congratulations,’ I heard Ba…
For fucks sake it's 4am and I am getting a page fault.
For fucks sake it's 4am and I…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "I know the assignment was to design a website, but I got frustrated with that stupid Adobe In-Design and wrote a b-tree lookup algorithm that is, in the worst case, O(log n) in search time complexity. Is this ok? I really HATE Adobe products..."
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"Oh no," cried Barbie, "my computer's crashed! Just when Fabric.com has 15 per cent off metallic!"
"Oh no," cried Barbie, "my co…
Barbie tries to email her design to Steven, but suddenly, her screen shows a big red warning sign! "Your Personal Files Are Encrypted!", the warning read. OMG! Barbie has 72 hours to pay a $500 ransom to Romanian hackers before the private key is destroyed.
Barbie tries to email her des…
Do neither of you know how to use source control?
Do neither of you know how to…
"It's a UNIX system! I know this!"
"It's a UNIX system! I know t…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I wanted to take a look at your pull requests to my game, but I was helping my sister recover from a computer crash!"
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"Oh, look at the time! I better hurry if I'm going to make it to class on time," Barbie says. "I need to get my satchel. I think I left it in your room last night, Skipper."
"Oh, look at the time! I bet…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "How was football practice? Nevermind, I don't really care. Brian, I made a new iOS build for your phone, but the UI has some scaling bugs and the performance lags to hell if you leave it soaking for more than thirty minutes. I'm pulling down XCode now, I'll have a patch for you in no time!"
After class, Barbie meets wit…
Barbie boots Ubuntu on Skipper's laptop, but Skipper panics when she can't find a Start Menu. "Don't worry!" says Barbie. "I just booted Linux from a live USB so I don't have a shit-for-brains command line interface. Your files are all still there." Skipper is intrigued by the new operating system and decides to find out more about it later.
Barbie boots Ubuntu on Skippe…
"Wow, I just pulled another all night'er getting my Cassandra cluster Puppetized, but now that my infrastructure is codified, I can kick my feet up and have a beer!"
"Wow, I just pulled another a…
«Ca ira plus vite si Brian et moi t'aidons», propose Steven. «Vous voulez rire ? répond Barbie. Vous gravez encore tous vos fichiers sur CD-rom alors que j'ai fait une sauvegarde des miens dans le Cloud. Evidemment, je les ai cryptés au préalable, parce qu'on ne peut pas être totalement sûr que personne n'y ait accès»
«Ca ira plus vite si Brian et…
The next morning, Barbie gives her sister a big surprise. Skipper turns on her laptop--and it logs directly into ARPAnet, command prompt blinking! "Oh my god!" cries Skipper. "Now we can sabotage the evil US drone program and change the course of human history!" Skipper gives Barbie a big hug.
The next morning, Barbie give…
The next morning, Barbie beat Skipper in Call of Duty. "You bitch, Imma choke you!" Said Skipper. Barbie laughed and teabagged her character.
The next morning, Barbie beat…
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