Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

At breakfast one morning, Barbie is already hard at work on her laptop. "What are you doing, Barbie?" asks Skipper. "I'm designing a game that shows kids how computers work," explains Barbie. "You can make a robot puppy do cute tricks by matching up colored blocks!"
At breakfast one morning, Bar…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I tried to download your art, but the resolutions were all wrong, can you redo them?"
After class, Barbie meets wit…
I'm pretty sure my roommate is the mysterious hacker known as 4chan, and I'm pretty fucking scared I'm posting this on my laptop right now. I think I'm safe using this because it has something called AVG which basically makes it hacker proof. I'm really scared right now. He's really good with computers and I'm afraid he might find a way to hack the lock on my door
I'm pretty sure my roommate i…
"The game isn't quite ready, but once it's ready you're welcome to give it a go," Barbie says with a smile. "Steven and Brian offered to help me playtest it, but it wouldn't hurt to have more people help me iron out problems before I hand in the finished game."
"The game isn't quite ready, …
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. I know you are flunking the computer engineering class, so I hacked into the school's computer system and changed your grades to C+."
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"As the lead Business Analyst on this project, I'm putting together the designs and programme flow specifications" Barbie says, laughing. "I'll then manage Steven and Brian the junior software engineers as they put together some of the code under my guidance!"
"As the lead Business Analyst…
"Now, remember our industrial espionage and Stuxnet lesson. It's much easier to introduce a virus to a target environment via an infected CD or USB flash drive than it is via the network. Look out for CDs lying around with tempting labels like "Teacher Performance Reviews" or "Cheerleading Hi-Res Photos."
"Now, remember our industrial…
"Your robot pup is so sweet," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "I'm only creating the design ideas," Barbie says, laughing, "I'll need Steven's and Brian's help to turn it into a real game!"
"Your robot pup is so sweet,"…
"Your robot puppy is so cute," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "I'm only creating the design ideas right now," Barbie says, laughing, "It's important to have clear requirements before you ever start coding!"
"Your robot puppy is so cute,…
I plugged in my laptop and opened fifty emails, twenty five Word documents and seven spreadsheets. It started making a sound like a lawnmower! I turned it off and started hitting it with my fists until smoke started coming out of it. Can you fix it?
I plugged in my laptop and o…
Steven and Brian laughed at Barbie. "Aww, a pink laptop!" Barbie chuckled hollowly, knowing that they couldn't see her Tor browser search on the reconstituted Silk Road for "douchebag assassin."
Steven and Brian laughed at B…
When Barbie puts her flash drive into Skipper's laptop, the screen starts blinking. "Remember that time you didn't let me use your netflix, well, now your computer belongs to me" - said Barbie
When Barbie puts her flash dr…
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says Barbie. "I have to run off to school now. But I promise to find a way to fix your laptop." "What a freaking lame-o" sighs Skipper. "Now I'll have to fix this myself, once again!" With that, she gives Barbie an angry shove down the stairs.
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says…
"I'm doing the weapons and armor design and balancing, and a bunch of wireframes. But don't worry Skipper, you can learn Pygame in like, an afternoon."
"I'm doing the weapons and ar…
At computer class, Barbie presents the protein folding program she designed to cure genetic blindness. The teacher is more interested in the picture of Barbie's dog on her desktop. "I guess I can be a computer engineer!" says Barbie sarcastically.
At computer class, Barbie pre…
"You know you work in a diverse workplace when all your superiors, the owners, and CEOs are all old white guys." "High five to that", says Steven the dry cleaning delivery guy. "Go right on up, Steven, lol!"
"You know you work in a diver…
"I'm only creating the database schema," Barbie says, laughing. "I'll need some artists to help finish the game!"
"I'm only creating the databa…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the lab. "Holy fuck, Brian! How the hell did you fuck up your git repo this badly?" asks Barbie. "And Steven, remind me why the fuck I'm fixing your wifi drivers? You're a god damn CS major and you can't handle Ubuntu." Neither one is listening since they're too busy trying to one up each other. Barbie sighs...
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"See, you just have to power it off then back on. That always fixes it," said Barbie.
"See, you just have to power …
Barbie sighed, "that's what you get for using the school's default .net license. It's more like free Microsoft advertising. Wait til I get this linux partition up and running."
Barbie sighed, "that's what y…
Wow my iOS game is coming along so well! I'm so happy I was able to accomplish so much after learning how to program in Objective C and Swift in only one day! Its impressive considering my asshole is still completely obliterated from Steven and his 30 inch, one way ticket to pleasure town. Nonrefundable too!
Wow my iOS game is coming alo…
I turned on my laptop and all of a sudden Excel starting making a sound like a lawnmower. I turned off my computer and hit is with my fists until smoke started coming out of it. Can you fix it?
I turned on my laptop and all…
"You expect me to build WHAT with this piece of shit IBM from early 2000?" said Barbie on the first day of class.
"You expect me to build WHAT …
"Do you know what an enterprise service bus is?" asked Barbie. "I can only process four concurrent requests," explained Brian. "I've never programmed with sockets," said Steven.
"Do you know what an enterpri…
"No one will take you seriously in class if you dress like that," says Skipper. "I don't care what they think," laughs Barbie. "When the dead gods of the dark net rise and destroy all life as we know it, no one will remember what I was wearing. They will only remember one thing: Barbie is the High Priestess of the Unseen Lord."
"No one will take you serious…
more (171 pages)