Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"Your robot puppy is so cute," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "I'm only creating the design ideas right now," Barbie says, laughing, "It's important to have clear requirements before you ever start coding!"
"Your robot puppy is so cute,…
I plugged in my laptop and opened fifty emails, twenty five Word documents and seven spreadsheets. It started making a sound like a lawnmower! I turned it off and started hitting it with my fists until smoke started coming out of it. Can you fix it?
I plugged in my laptop and o…
Steven and Brian laughed at Barbie. "Aww, a pink laptop!" Barbie chuckled hollowly, knowing that they couldn't see her Tor browser search on the reconstituted Silk Road for "douchebag assassin."
Steven and Brian laughed at B…
When Barbie puts her flash drive into Skipper's laptop, the screen starts blinking. "Remember that time you didn't let me use your netflix, well, now your computer belongs to me" - said Barbie
When Barbie puts her flash dr…
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says Barbie. "I have to run off to school now. But I promise to find a way to fix your laptop." "What a freaking lame-o" sighs Skipper. "Now I'll have to fix this myself, once again!" With that, she gives Barbie an angry shove down the stairs.
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says…
"I'm doing the weapons and armor design and balancing, and a bunch of wireframes. But don't worry Skipper, you can learn Pygame in like, an afternoon."
"I'm doing the weapons and ar…
At computer class, Barbie presents the protein folding program she designed to cure genetic blindness. The teacher is more interested in the picture of Barbie's dog on her desktop. "I guess I can be a computer engineer!" says Barbie sarcastically.
At computer class, Barbie pre…
"You know you work in a diverse workplace when all your superiors, the owners, and CEOs are all old white guys." "High five to that", says Steven the dry cleaning delivery guy. "Go right on up, Steven, lol!"
"You know you work in a diver…
"I'm only creating the database schema," Barbie says, laughing. "I'll need some artists to help finish the game!"
"I'm only creating the databa…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the lab. "Holy fuck, Brian! How the hell did you fuck up your git repo this badly?" asks Barbie. "And Steven, remind me why the fuck I'm fixing your wifi drivers? You're a god damn CS major and you can't handle Ubuntu." Neither one is listening since they're too busy trying to one up each other. Barbie sighs...
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"See, you just have to power it off then back on. That always fixes it," said Barbie.
"See, you just have to power …
Barbie sighed, "that's what you get for using the school's default .net license. It's more like free Microsoft advertising. Wait til I get this linux partition up and running."
Barbie sighed, "that's what y…
Wow my iOS game is coming along so well! I'm so happy I was able to accomplish so much after learning how to program in Objective C and Swift in only one day! Its impressive considering my asshole is still completely obliterated from Steven and his 30 inch, one way ticket to pleasure town. Nonrefundable too!
Wow my iOS game is coming alo…
I turned on my laptop and all of a sudden Excel starting making a sound like a lawnmower. I turned off my computer and hit is with my fists until smoke started coming out of it. Can you fix it?
I turned on my laptop and all…
"You expect me to build WHAT with this piece of shit IBM from early 2000?" said Barbie on the first day of class.
"You expect me to build WHAT …
"Do you know what an enterprise service bus is?" asked Barbie. "I can only process four concurrent requests," explained Brian. "I've never programmed with sockets," said Steven.
"Do you know what an enterpri…
"No one will take you seriously in class if you dress like that," says Skipper. "I don't care what they think," laughs Barbie. "When the dead gods of the dark net rise and destroy all life as we know it, no one will remember what I was wearing. They will only remember one thing: Barbie is the High Priestess of the Unseen Lord."
"No one will take you serious…
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says Barbie. "I have to run off to school now. But I promise after school we can install Red Hat." "We better!" Skipper replies as she playfully hits Barbie with a pillow.
"I'm so sorry, Skipper," says…
"Wait a minute," says Barbie, "you saved all this Pokemon porn as a joke, right? You aren't actually turned on by it, are you?" In anger, Skipper hits her with a pillow. She smiles weakly, trying to play it off as a joke, but she is crying on the inside.
"Wait a minute," says Barbie,…
Barbie tries to upload her design documentation to the team's Dropbox, but it seems she's having connectivity issues. "That's weird!" says Barbie. Barbie and Skipper try to reboot the router but it still won't connect.
Barbie tries to upload her de…
"Lunch breaks are so much more fun when there's work to be done! Just have to make sure not to spill yogurt on this company laptop, roflmao!"
"Lunch breaks are so much mor…
At computer class, Barbie presents the game she designed. Ms. Smith is so impressed that she gives Barbie extra credit! Barbie's terrific computer skills have saved the day for both sisters! "I can be a computer engineer!" says Barbie happily.
At computer class, Barbie pre…
"I just upgraded to Yosemite and now nothing works" says Steve. Barbie rolls her eyes - "psychophysicists NEVER upgrade. Have you got a backup? We'll have to roll back."
"I just upgraded to Yosemite …
When Barbie checks Google on Skipper's laptop she finds endless Tom Hiddleston fan sites. 'Don't judge me!' cries Skipper, embracing the laptop as if it was Hiddles himself. 'Erm okay' Said Barbie. 'Can I check my emails now?' 'No I'm just about to finish rendering ' The Adventures of Loki and Snortblat' Get your own!
When Barbie checks Google on …
As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith. "Gaters and their supporters accuse us of ruining games. Are we?" asks Barbie. The teacher grimaces. "In fact, not a single bourgeois movement, not even one for ethics in games journalism, has given the feminine half of the human race either full legal equality with men or freedom from the guardianship and oppression of men."
As soon as class begins, Barb…
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