Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

Barbie opens JIRA, and discovers that QA Engineer Skipper has kicked her latest bug fix back. "That's weird!" says Barbie. "It worked on my machine." "Looks like somebody forgot to write unit tests, big sister," says Skipper.
Barbie opens JIRA, and discov…
Barbie tells Skipper that Steve would use Java, which sucks, so she's going to do it herself in ClojureScript, for the win.
Barbie tells Skipper that Ste…
At the mosque, Barbie presents her edited koran to Ms. Smith with all the misogynistic parts taken out. Ms. Smith, who is also a muslim woman is impressed, but dares not to give muslim Barbie extra credit as this would be deemed as 'racist' towards islam, and that Ms. Smith would be called an islamophobe (which is a made up word to put a muzzle on anyone who tries to criticize the koran/islam).
At the mosque, Barbie present…
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After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I tried to send you my designs, but I got distracted hacking into all the anti-women 501(c)(4) and now I'm revealing their donors' names to the media. "
After class, Barbie meets wit…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "What can cause connectivity issues between your computer and your local router?" asks Barbie. The teacher takes a few minutes to give her a few suggestions before letting the teams break up and continue working on their projects.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"I had to make a dumb-ass game about puppies because Brian and Steve would stop using my kick-ass new physics engine to make half-naked women with huge breasts," Barbie tells the class.
"I had to make a dumb-ass gam…
"Goddamit!" says Barbie. "Which one of you fuckwits is incapable of using Git?" Barbie stares angrily at the 7 tangled branches. "The judges show up in 2 hours and we haven't even gotten this shit pushed to Heroku yet!" Barbie stares at her Red-Bull fueled code from last night. How is her web app going to win the hackathon now? "My hardware hack is working perfectly!" says Spencer. "Eat shit", says Barbie.
"Goddamit!" says Barbie. "Whi…
"I'm only trying to re-write our misogynistic holy book, the koran", muslim Barbie says to her little muslim sister Skipper. "Instead of being told what the koran says by our imam, i decided to read it for myself and was aghast to find the myriad of misogynistic verses in it", Barbie says sadly. "That's why I want to make a difference in the muslim world and re-write the misogynistic parts. I'll need Muhammad's and Ali's help to re-write all the misogynistic parts of the koran such as the part where it says that men are superior to women (koran 4:34)". Skipper, who is very devout, goes into a rage and says, "Barbie! No one can change allah's word that was revealed by his prophet Muhammad (pbuh)". Barbie ignores Skipper's advice and leaves for the mosque.
"I'm only trying to re-write …
"This is the last time I'm doing this, Steve," Barbie chided him as she cleared his history and deleted the last of the viruses, "so for God's sake, stop clicking on those penis enlargement ads!"
"This is the last time I'm do…
At that moment, Barbie realized she accidentally.... an entire coke bottle.... Whe pondered, WAT DO?!?!?!
At that moment, Barbie realiz…
Steven and Brian looked on in awe as Babs easily injected the CSS they'd been struggling with for days, her bedazzled glasses twinkling in the warm glow of the 3 monitors in front of her. "I knew that pink computer was a POS when I bought it," said Brian, "but when I saw the color, I just had to have it. Lesson learned."
Steven and Brian looked on in…
"Brian, if you unplug the monitor one more time, I will cut you with this disk", says Barbie, obviously annoyed. "And Steven, what's with the pasties on your shirt? Did you forget to change after your shift stripping last night? Please tell me you at least showered!"
"Brian, if you unplug the mon…
"Skipper, you're such a weirdo," Barbie says, reaching around and pulling her flash drive from the USB port. "And you're such a nerd!" Skipper exclaims. "But have a good day at school anyways I guess."
"Skipper, you're such a weird…
DAMMIT, STEVE!
DAMMIT, STEVE!
While Brian and Steven are busy checking out some girl walking by in a short skirt, Barbie is fixing their coding bugs. "I see what you did wrong. There's no closure on your JS function and your object is missing its closing bracket. C'mon guys...this is basic stuff..ugh, nvm, you aren't even listening." said Barbie.
While Brian and Steven are bu…
"Paul, you need to get this to the Times right away. And leave your cellphone they'll be tracking you. Bobby, upload those 99 Trojans to buy us some time, and get Putin on the phone." "Wow, bossy much?", mutters Bobby. Bobby is a government stooge.
"Paul, you need to get this t…
"I'm only trying to re-write our misogynistic holy book, the koran", muslim Barbie says to her little muslim sister Skipper. "Instead of being told what the koran says by our imam, i decided to read it for myself and was aghast to find the myriad of misogynistic verses in it", Barbie says sadly. "That's why I want to make a difference in the muslim world and re-write the misogynistic parts. I'll need Muhammad's and Ali's help to re-write all the misogynistic parts of the koran such as the part where it says that men are superior to women (koran 4:34)". Skipper, who is very devout, goes into a rage and says, "Barbie! No one can change allah's word that was revealed by his prophet Muhammad (pbuh)". Barbie ignores Skipper's advice and leaves for the mosque.
"I'm only trying to re-write …
"I'm just creating the design ideas," Barbie says, laughing. "Steven and Brian were coding, and they needed my help to make the game better!"
"I'm just creating the design…
"Dont you guys have nothing better to do than stand there watching? I got this", murmurs Barbie behind screen.
"Dont you guys have nothing b…
"Your robot puppy is so sweet," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "I'm still working on the design," Barbie says, laughing, "I'll need spend lots of time coding to turn it into a real game!"
"Your robot puppy is so sweet…
"I've got Skipper's assignment from the hard drive!" exclaims Steven. "Fantastic!" says Barbie. "What about her mp3s?" "Got 'em," says Steven. "Awesome!" says Barbie. "Thanks for showing me that sweet script. I'm nearly finished restoring my machine."
"I've got Skipper's assignmen…
Barbie is running the decompiler when suddenly she notices something. "Oh shit!" says Barbie. "Looks like there is an extra symbol in this code." Skipper comes over to take a look. "Fuck. I think you have yourself a Trojan horse, big sister", says Skipper. "I bet it's Stephen. He's still mad about that time when we wrote "Fuck the Patriarchy" on his laptop in pink marker."
Barbie is running the decompi…
Barbie shares her favorite website with Skipper. "This is called reddit. They have 'subreddits' where people can share pictures and stories with other people who like the same things. My favorite is r/spacedicks." "I love space! I want to be an astronaut because girls can do anything!" Skipper replies gleefully.
Barbie shares her favorite we…
"Brian quit unplugging my fucking monitor. How about instead of being an ass you take this disc over to your desk and get to work." Barbie said "And Stephen quit changing my desk top picture and get back to the reception desk and answer your phones! You guys are so fucking immature." Brian and Stephen felt like jerks.
"Brian quit unplugging my fuc…
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