Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "Nah. I got it. Thanks for the offer." says Barbie."Are you sure? Me and Brian can make any computer run perfectly." says Steven. "F**k off" replies Barbie.
"It will go faster if Brian a…
All of the sudden Skipper's screen starts blinking! "Oh no!" cries Skipper. "I forgot to back up my homework assignment!". "I know!" says Barbie. "I'll do a fresh install from my flash drive!"
All of the sudden Skipper's s…
"Without computers, the Nazis would have won the war!" said Barbie. "The ghost of Alan Turing smiles upon us today. Hug this computer for Alan, won't you, Skipper?" "I hear you, Alan," said Skipper, as she held the plastic frame, brought to you by Mattel Corporation. "0010111101," said Alan. "0010111011".
"Without computers, the N…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand, despite the smirk of nearby capitalist-roader and "men's right activist" Duke. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher and therefore an enemy of the masses. "How can we use the skills we learn in this class to destroy the capitalist techno-patriarchy?" asked Barbie, eyes flashing with the spirit of the revolution.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
Seriously, fuck C++.
Seriously, fuck C++.
O Mighty Lord Satan, by whom all things are set free, I cast myself utterly into thine arms and place myself unreservedly under thy all powerful protection. Comfort me and deliver me from all of the hindrances and snares of those who wish to harm me, both seen and unseen. Visit justice and vengeance upon those who seek my destruction. Render them powerless and devastated. Direct their malice to return upon them tenfold and to destroy them who would resent my being.
O Mighty Lord Satan, by whom …
Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I tried to send you my designs, but our internet was down so they're on this flash drive." Barbie quickly distributes the files amongst all of their computers. "Hey, I look like a hacker from a bad sci fi movie, someone take a picture!" Steven takes it and texts it to her.
Barbie meets with Steven and …
This is what Solaris does to people!!!
This is what Solaris does to …
And so the sleepover continued, as usual, with face masks and naked pillow fights.
And so the sleepover continue…
"I'd just like to interject for a moment." said Barbie. What you’re referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I’ve recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX. Many computer users run a modified version of the GNU system every day, without realizing it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU which is widely used today is often called “Linux”, and many of its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, developed by the GNU Project. There really is a Linux, and these people are using it, but it is just a part of the system they use. Linux is the kernel: the program in the system that allocates the machine’s resources to the other programs that you run. The kernel is an essential part of an operating system, but useless by itself; it can only function in the context of a complete operating system. Linux is normally used in combination with the GNU operating system: the whole system is basically GNU with Linux added, or GNU/Linux. All the so-called “Linux” distributions are really distributions of GNU/Linux. "
"I'd just like to interject f…
Barbie opens JIRA, and discovers that QA Engineer Skipper has kicked her latest bug fix back. "That's weird!" says Barbie. "It worked on my machine." "Looks like somebody forgot to write unit tests, big sister," says Skipper.
Barbie opens JIRA, and discov…
Barbie tells Skipper that Steve would use Java, which sucks, so she's going to do it herself in ClojureScript, for the win.
Barbie tells Skipper that Ste…
At the mosque, Barbie presents her edited koran to Ms. Smith with all the misogynistic parts taken out. Ms. Smith, who is also a muslim woman is impressed, but dares not to give muslim Barbie extra credit as this would be deemed as 'racist' towards islam, and that Ms. Smith would be called an islamophobe (which is a made up word to put a muzzle on anyone who tries to criticize the koran/islam).
At the mosque, Barbie present…
asdasdsad
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After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. "I tried to send you my designs, but I got distracted hacking into all the anti-women 501(c)(4) and now I'm revealing their donors' names to the media. "
After class, Barbie meets wit…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "What can cause connectivity issues between your computer and your local router?" asks Barbie. The teacher takes a few minutes to give her a few suggestions before letting the teams break up and continue working on their projects.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"I had to make a dumb-ass game about puppies because Brian and Steve would stop using my kick-ass new physics engine to make half-naked women with huge breasts," Barbie tells the class.
"I had to make a dumb-ass gam…
"Goddamit!" says Barbie. "Which one of you fuckwits is incapable of using Git?" Barbie stares angrily at the 7 tangled branches. "The judges show up in 2 hours and we haven't even gotten this shit pushed to Heroku yet!" Barbie stares at her Red-Bull fueled code from last night. How is her web app going to win the hackathon now? "My hardware hack is working perfectly!" says Spencer. "Eat shit", says Barbie.
"Goddamit!" says Barbie. "Whi…
"I'm only trying to re-write our misogynistic holy book, the koran", muslim Barbie says to her little muslim sister Skipper. "Instead of being told what the koran says by our imam, i decided to read it for myself and was aghast to find the myriad of misogynistic verses in it", Barbie says sadly. "That's why I want to make a difference in the muslim world and re-write the misogynistic parts. I'll need Muhammad's and Ali's help to re-write all the misogynistic parts of the koran such as the part where it says that men are superior to women (koran 4:34)". Skipper, who is very devout, goes into a rage and says, "Barbie! No one can change allah's word that was revealed by his prophet Muhammad (pbuh)". Barbie ignores Skipper's advice and leaves for the mosque.
"I'm only trying to re-write …
"This is the last time I'm doing this, Steve," Barbie chided him as she cleared his history and deleted the last of the viruses, "so for God's sake, stop clicking on those penis enlargement ads!"
"This is the last time I'm do…
At that moment, Barbie realized she accidentally.... an entire coke bottle.... Whe pondered, WAT DO?!?!?!
At that moment, Barbie realiz…
Steven and Brian looked on in awe as Babs easily injected the CSS they'd been struggling with for days, her bedazzled glasses twinkling in the warm glow of the 3 monitors in front of her. "I knew that pink computer was a POS when I bought it," said Brian, "but when I saw the color, I just had to have it. Lesson learned."
Steven and Brian looked on in…
"Brian, if you unplug the monitor one more time, I will cut you with this disk", says Barbie, obviously annoyed. "And Steven, what's with the pasties on your shirt? Did you forget to change after your shift stripping last night? Please tell me you at least showered!"
"Brian, if you unplug the mon…
"Skipper, you're such a weirdo," Barbie says, reaching around and pulling her flash drive from the USB port. "And you're such a nerd!" Skipper exclaims. "But have a good day at school anyways I guess."
"Skipper, you're such a weird…
DAMMIT, STEVE!
DAMMIT, STEVE!
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