Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

Skipper hugged a computer. "Barbie, you're the best," she said. At this moment, Barbie realized the level of emotional detachment they had generated via years of only communicating electronically. She shrugged, walked away, and began venting to the waffle maker.

Skipper hugged a computer. "B…

After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. I tried to send you my designs, but I ended up crashing my laptop--and Skipper's, too! I need to get back the lost files and repair both of our laptops.

Little do Steven and Brian know, Barbie's designs exploited a 0-day in the adobe PDF reader, which would allow her to take control of their laptops, and use them to mine for bitcoins so that she could buy more shoes on overstock.com

After class, Barbie meets wit…

Hey Brian, I just pulled your last update from Git and merged on master. Good job! You're a great designer. Now let me do some serious code.

Hey Brian, I just pulled your…

"I'll let you know when I finish building the lies you told the customer" Barbie said to Brian and Steve. "Why don't you two go back to planning how you'll take credit for this and more BS you can spew" Barbie said politely.

"I'll let you know when I fin…

"Do you think maybe tonight we could do what this video shows?" Barbie asked Skipper nervously.

"Do you think maybe tonight w…

"I'm telling you, Steven," exclaims Barbie, "Rawhide is better than released versions. You essentially just get more fixes." "Great!" says Steven, "I'm going to update my production systems to this image you created with livecd-creator last night right away as you advised!"

"I'm telling you, Steven," ex…

Programming is like ice cream. Once you learn how awesome it is, game over.

Programming is like ice cream…

"Did you jagoffs learn everything you know about hacking from police procedurals?" asked Barbie. "Our passwords are secured by a custom 256-bit hash code with a 64-bit salt. So no, a hacker will not be able to get the administrator password by beating the final level."

"Did you jagoffs learn everyt…

"I'm only at the prototype stage," Barbie says, laughing. "I'll need some time with the C# documentation to turn into a real game"

"I'm only at the prototype st…

"Arch? But Barbie, I'm fine with Ubuntu!" cries Skipper, as she snatches her laptop away from Barbie. "I pity these unenlightened children," sighs Barbie, "Sure they may cherish their entry-level distros, but how can you live a fulfilling life without experiencing such beautiful minimalism and rolling releases?"

"Arch? But Barbie, I'm fine w…

Separation, Anger, and Blame

Separation, Anger, and Blame

"Want a glass of iced tea?" Skipper asks Barbie.

Barbie smirks and nods her head, "No, I am trying to get these reverts done on the [[men's rights]] Wikipedia article. I'm going to be late for work. Damn MRA's are at it again, adding uncited non-neutral sexist crap to the article.." she mutters angrily.

Skipper nods and smiles, "Ah, I understand. Well, there is some Club-Mate in the fridge if you need an extra pick me up to get through the day,"

"Want a glass of iced tea?" S…

After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "God, get the fuck out of here. You brainless morons forgot to check in your work and now the harddrive is dead. I'll have to re-code everything. Just as well, your stuff was garbage."

After class, Barbie meets wit…

"Fucking Steven and Brian thought that a linked list would be an appropriate data structure!" Barbie chuckled "Why the hell did we hire those clowns?"

"Fucking Steven and Brian tho…

You do it!

I hate Bananas! Where's the ice cream and doughnuts? Who drew this stupid dog picture?

I hate Bananas! Where's the i…

"Fuck off," said Barbie. "I'm coding."

"Fuck off," said Barbie. "I'm…

plop

"Hey!" Barbie excitedly exclaimed, "You finally got your own Ken doll!"

"Hey!" Barbie excitedly excla…

Thank you, Barbie, for hiding my porn apps and clearing my browser history!

Thank you, Barbie, for hiding…

"I'm going to use my computer coding skills to help analyze climate change! And maybe even come up with ways my family and neighborhood can do our part"

"I'm going to use my computer…

"For the love of all that is holy, why are you holding Skipper's hard drive platter in your bare hands?" asked Steven.
"Because my feeble lady-brain can't understand testosterone-infused technology," said Barbie.

"For the love of all that is …

"I know how to fix it!" exclaims Steven. "Let's just blow a fan on it." "Fantastic!" says Barbie. "You sure are smart." "I know, Barbie," says Steven. "I am a nuclear physicist."

"I know how to fix it!" excla…

"Shit Barbie, come back to bed already."

"Hold on, I almost got this use-after-free in Internet Explorer to land."

*groaning sound coming from the bedroom*

"Shit Barbie, come back to be…

"Dont talk to me right now Skipper, i'm trying to recompile my custom front end to the new ubuntu linux kernel 'Playful Poodle!' I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth unless it involves something intelligent like coming up with creative ways to free up cache memory without triggering stack overflow. COME ON SKIPPER, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!"

"Dont talk to me right now Sk…

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