Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"For fucks sakes guys what were you thinking? Why would you ever structure your objects like this? And what the fuck have you done with my MacBook pro - what's this hideous pink gel skin?"
"For fucks sakes guys what we…
At computer class, Barbie presents the game she designed. Ms. Smith is so impressed that she lets Barbie know she can tell Barbie put a lot of effort into the design and can't wait to see the final version. If she runs into snags coding it, please ask for help. Barbie's terrific computer skills have saved the day for both sisters! "I guess I can be a computer engineer!" says Barbie happily.
At computer class, Barbie pre…
"I don't need to be taught anything about how computers work from men, women or a faulty, wasteful institution. The information is freely available to me through open source and commercial resources on the internet. Your "facts" have lead me astray more times than I care to remember. I will learn from those who have done and not who have wished they had," Barbie said.
"I don't need to be taught an…
"Barbie's been hacking at that for, like, 14 hours now," says Steven. "Can't I ask if she wants to take a break?" "Not now," explains Brian. "She's wired in."
"Barbie's been hacking at tha…
"I'd really love to spend time 'parenting' right now, but mommy's coding. So please, GTFO."
"I'd really love to spend tim…
"I have to run off to school now," says Barbie. "But I promise I will fix your laptop soon." "Thanks!" Skipper replies as she playfully pushes Barbie out of the door.
"I have to run off to school …
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "I've got this." says Barbie. "Steven, can you go buy me a latte and get out of my face?" "Sure!" says Steven. "The library cafe has excellent espresso drinks."
"It will go faster if Brian a…
I can't believe those mofos took down Mega! How am I supposed to watch free movies now!
I can't believe those mofos t…
"I'm sorry, Skipper," says Barbie. "You have to be over 18 to pitch to the venture capitalists tonight." "I can't wait until I can pitch my own start-up idea!" says Skipper, "I'm tired of just writing code!"
"I'm sorry, Skipper," says Ba…
Barbie asks Skipper if she wants to go to dinner. Skipper cries, "No! I am waiting for a file to download, but the Internet is slow!" "Oh no!" says Barbie. "Do you think my roommate is sucking up all my Internet?" asks Skipper.
Barbie asks Skipper if she wa…
"I burned the files on this CD," offers Steven. "Srsly?" asks Barbie. "Brian, can you believe this guy?" "Right?" says Brian. "Bro, we need to teach you how to use Github or something."
"I burned the files on this C…
Barbie: "Hey Skipper, what's crackin? You'll never guess what Eric asked me to- WHOA! EW!" Skipper: "NO, DON'T LOOK! I wasn't trying to look at that! It was just a gif that Knoll sent me! I SWEAR!"
Barbie: "Hey Skipper, what's …
"Baribe, you assume a culture based on the latin alphabet, right?" Brian asked, hesitantly. "???? ??! ??? ??? ??????" Barbie responded. "Huh?" Brian was confused – he was ASCII only. "I said all languages are beautiful. You should look into Unicode."
"Baribe, you assume a culture…
When Barbie puts her flash drive into Skipper's laptop, the screen shows a boot to OpenBSD 5.1. "Oh no!" says Barbie. "This should have been 5.6" "I forgot to update the dd script" cries Skipper. "Jesus Christ we'll still have EBCDIC support!"
When Barbie puts her flash dr…
As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith. "If your computer gets a virus and crashes, how can you retrieve all the files you lost?" asks Barbie. Ms. Smith frowns. "Type 'Cookie', you idiot."
As soon as class begins, Barb…
Skipper hugged a computer. "Barbie, you're the best," she said. At this moment, Barbie realized the level of emotional detachment they had generated via years of only communicating electronically. She shrugged, walked away, and began venting to the waffle maker.
Skipper hugged a computer. "B…
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. "Hi, guys," says Barbie. I tried to send you my designs, but I ended up crashing my laptop--and Skipper's, too! I need to get back the lost files and repair both of our laptops. Little do Steven and Brian know, Barbie's designs exploited a 0-day in the adobe PDF reader, which would allow her to take control of their laptops, and use them to mine for bitcoins so that she could buy more shoes on overstock.com
After class, Barbie meets wit…
Hey Brian, I just pulled your last update from Git and merged on master. Good job! You're a great designer. Now let me do some serious code.
Hey Brian, I just pulled your…
"I'll let you know when I finish building the lies you told the customer" Barbie said to Brian and Steve. "Why don't you two go back to planning how you'll take credit for this and more BS you can spew" Barbie said politely.
"I'll let you know when I fin…
"Do you think maybe tonight we could do what this video shows?" Barbie asked Skipper nervously.
"Do you think maybe tonight w…
"I'm telling you, Steven," exclaims Barbie, "Rawhide is better than released versions. You essentially just get more fixes." "Great!" says Steven, "I'm going to update my production systems to this image you created with livecd-creator last night right away as you advised!"
"I'm telling you, Steven," ex…
Programming is like ice cream. Once you learn how awesome it is, game over.
Programming is like ice cream…
"Did you jagoffs learn everything you know about hacking from police procedurals?" asked Barbie. "Our passwords are secured by a custom 256-bit hash code with a 64-bit salt. So no, a hacker will not be able to get the administrator password by beating the final level."
"Did you jagoffs learn everyt…
"I'm only at the prototype stage," Barbie says, laughing. "I'll need some time with the C# documentation to turn into a real game"
"I'm only at the prototype st…
"Arch? But Barbie, I'm fine with Ubuntu!" cries Skipper, as she snatches her laptop away from Barbie. "I pity these unenlightened children," sighs Barbie, "Sure they may cherish their entry-level distros, but how can you live a fulfilling life without experiencing such beautiful minimalism and rolling releases?"
"Arch? But Barbie, I'm fine w…
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