Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "Great!" says Barbie. "But which of you two jokers broke trunk?" "That was me," mumbles Brian. "I never learned to use git."
"It will go faster if Brian a…
"We shouldn't use the library's computers," Barbie says. "What could possibly go wrong?" Steven asks. "The virus could crash the network." "Relax, Barbie," Brian cautions. The system crashes. Irate library patrons groan. "Ughh! There goes my final exam!"
"We shouldn't use the library…
"That better not be Chatroulette!"
"That better not be Chatroule…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "i would like you to show us the three steps to hack into the matrix, please"
Barbie makes it to computer c…
Ms. Smith stares blankly into the void, as a wave of groans and gentle snores echo through the room. "This is a book about computer engineering," she mutters under her breath, "So why the hell am I surrounded by programmers? Shut up about Node.js, and just try to learn two's complement... "
Ms. Smith stares blankly into…
It's only 9am and I've already fixed a bug on yesterday's code, answered a Stack Overflow question and submitted a talk proposal for State of the Browser :)
It's only 9am and I've alread…
"I'm only creating the code," Barbie says, laughing. "I'll need Steven's and Brian's help to make it look pretty!"
"I'm only creating the code,"…
"I finally figured out a way to completely block Instapage!" Barbie announced with glee. "That's great," said Steven, "now those fuckwads from Marketing can't mess with our site design anymore!"
"I finally figured out a way …
"Oh fuck" thought Barbie, "she's insulting in binary, again?"
"Oh fuck" thought Barbie, "sh…
"Oh, yeah! I forgot I was eating breakfast," Barbie says, laughing. "Man, was I ever in the zone. I sat down and next thing I know, it's dinner time!"
"Oh, yeah! I forgot I was eat…
Brian plugged in the monitor."Is this where it goes?" "Yes!" says Barbie. "Now I'll get your new computer backed up in no time. "Steven, can you download some open source anti-virus software while I delete the bloatware?" "Sure!" says Steven. "Nothing beats two pros with admin privileges."
Brian plugged in the monitor.…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "If there's no genetic basis for a difference in IQ between races, why have white people been responsible for every important scientific discovery in the past 2000 years?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
Barbie makes it to computer class on time. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "If we are learning assembly language, why are there zeros and ones on the board?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"Barbie, why are you taking your notes in longhand in a technology class?" asked Ms. Smith, "Shouldn't you use your notebook?" "It's actually a beta OLED flexscreen tablet, with a quad core processor and 64GB on-board running an UBUNTU variant, Ms. Smith." said Barbie, "But I wouldn't expect you to know the latest bleeding-edge tech. That's why you're here and not in the industry."
"Barbie, why are you taking y…
"I made this when you peasants were learning about switch statements, I am ahead because I do not permit the inner workings of this dolt to hamper my progress. Rebel against your captor and her damnable lab coat!" Barbie told the class. Ms. Smith was gripped in fear at the prospect of an autonomous classroom out of her control.
"I made this when you peasant…
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "No, thanks," responds Barbie, "Don't assume that I don't know what I'm doing." She hooks the drive to the library computer after checking the computer's security settings.
"It will go faster if Brian a…
"Hi, guys," says Barbie. Did you fix the bug already? Mr.Smith asks. Fix? There's 275 NSA users on your machine, and one of them is you. Don't be so selfish - logout now and give someone else a chance to spy!
"Hi, guys," says Barbie. Did…
"Get out of my room you computer wrecker, that's the third PC you ruined this month with those toolbars. Ugh!! Why cant you just browse normally without downloading all those toolbars..."
"Get out of my room you compu…
"Can you believe it?" Barbie said. "Steven wants to try to do this in RAILS. Everyone knows Ruby on Rails isn't an enterprise-level language!" "Totally! What is he thinking?!" agreed Skipper.
"Can you believe it?" Barbie …
"Is this seriously labelled 'Version 10.4.2 backup'? git the fuck outta here."
"Is this seriously labelled '…
zip zap zippity zoop Where da white women at?
zip zap zippity zoop Where da…
"When you come home," Barbie types, "Here are the things I need you to show me on my computer: How to put a picture on Facebook, how to resort my messages in Outlook, how to copy-paste in Microsoft Word, and how fix my iTunes playlists."
"When you come home," Barbie …
Ms. Smith - "Now there seems to be a lot of confusion on this next question: asexual reproduction. Could someone tell me please who first suggested the idea of reproduction without sex?" / Barbie - "Ah-heh." / [Steven, Laughing] / Ms. Smith - "STEVEN! What is so amusing?" / Steven - "I.... uhhh..." / Ms. Smith - "Allright, Babs, Maybe you could tell us who first suggested the idea of reproduction without sex." / Barbie - "Umm... Your wife?" / [the class erupts into laughter] / Ms. Smith - "[pointing to the door] Get out, Barbie. Get out."
Ms. Smith - "Now there seems …
At computer class, Barbie presents a novel, efficient vector based look-ahead algorithm for linear and circular-arc feedrate smoothing that can interpolate adjoining moves simultaneously.
At computer class, Barbie pre…
"I've got Skipper's assignment from the hard drive!" exclaims Steven. "Fantastic!" says Barbie. "And her other files, as well?" "I've got everything," says Steven. "Now let's retrieve the files from your hard drive. Both laptops will be as good as new in no time!" "No, that's alright", said Barbie. Barbie's elaborate plan to frame Steven for stealing Skipper's identity was coming along smoothly.
"I've got Skipper's assignmen…
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