Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

"Steven," Barbie said, "that's not how this works... That's not how any of this works! The monitor bevel doesn't even have a spot for an RCA jack." "Oh," said Steven, looking sheepish. "Its ok," said Barbie, "I'll teach you. But, in the mean time, could you stop trying to plug in that Dreamcast?"
"Steven," Barbie said, "that'…
When Barbie logs into Skipper's laptop, her username from Reddit shows up. "Oh no!" says Barbie. "You're Violentacrez?" "It's my second account" cries Skipper. "You can't judge me!"
When Barbie logs into Skipper…
"I'm sending the deck new" Barbie said over the Skype conference call, "As you can see on the 2nd page, after sourcing the KPIs we can effectively triple our ARPPU with a synergistic CPI campaign for a x-media buy to monetize our 3, 7 and 14 day retention."
"I'm sending the deck new" Ba…
"Do you see now the pain of reliance on the education system in a world that does not care about your beautiful mind, Skipper?" Barbie said, without remorse. "I wish for the wool to be over my eyes once again!" Skipper cried, clutching her laptop for salvation.
"Do you see now the pain of r…
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "Great!" says Barbie. "Steven, go make me a sandwich!" "What? No!" shouts Steven. "Steven, SUDO Make me a sandwich!" "Sure!" says Steven.
"It will go faster if Brian a…
my doctor says i birth computer nice and healthy
my doctor says i birth comput…
At computer class, Barbie presents a novel realtime antialiasing algorithm with motion-based object detection using linear shift invariant filters. Barbie's terrific computer skills result in less jaggies and higher framerates for hardcore gamers across the world!
At computer class, Barbie pre…
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "Back the fuck up, broseph. I can do this myself! I don't need your 'handy' skills," retorts Barbie.
"It will go faster if Brian a…
"Your robot puppy is so sweet," says Skipper. "Can I play your game?" "Sure! Once Steven and Brian have helped me debug it. They don't have the skills to code the game, but they make great play testers."
"Your robot puppy is so sweet…
"I'm only creating the design ideas," Barbie says, laughing. "I'll need to read some library books about game making to turn it into a real game!"
"I'm only creating the design…
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "Great!" says Barbie. "But which of you two jokers broke trunk?" "That was me," mumbles Brian. "I never learned to use git."
"It will go faster if Brian a…
"We shouldn't use the library's computers," Barbie says. "What could possibly go wrong?" Steven asks. "The virus could crash the network." "Relax, Barbie," Brian cautions. The system crashes. Irate library patrons groan. "Ughh! There goes my final exam!"
"We shouldn't use the library…
"That better not be Chatroulette!"
"That better not be Chatroule…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "i would like you to show us the three steps to hack into the matrix, please"
Barbie makes it to computer c…
Ms. Smith stares blankly into the void, as a wave of groans and gentle snores echo through the room. "This is a book about computer engineering," she mutters under her breath, "So why the hell am I surrounded by programmers? Shut up about Node.js, and just try to learn two's complement... "
Ms. Smith stares blankly into…
It's only 9am and I've already fixed a bug on yesterday's code, answered a Stack Overflow question and submitted a talk proposal for State of the Browser :)
It's only 9am and I've alread…
"I'm only creating the code," Barbie says, laughing. "I'll need Steven's and Brian's help to make it look pretty!"
"I'm only creating the code,"…
"I finally figured out a way to completely block Instapage!" Barbie announced with glee. "That's great," said Steven, "now those fuckwads from Marketing can't mess with our site design anymore!"
"I finally figured out a way …
"Oh fuck" thought Barbie, "she's insulting in binary, again?"
"Oh fuck" thought Barbie, "sh…
"Oh, yeah! I forgot I was eating breakfast," Barbie says, laughing. "Man, was I ever in the zone. I sat down and next thing I know, it's dinner time!"
"Oh, yeah! I forgot I was eat…
Brian plugged in the monitor."Is this where it goes?" "Yes!" says Barbie. "Now I'll get your new computer backed up in no time. "Steven, can you download some open source anti-virus software while I delete the bloatware?" "Sure!" says Steven. "Nothing beats two pros with admin privileges."
Brian plugged in the monitor.…
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "If there's no genetic basis for a difference in IQ between races, why have white people been responsible for every important scientific discovery in the past 2000 years?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
Barbie makes it to computer class on time. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "If we are learning assembly language, why are there zeros and ones on the board?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"Barbie, why are you taking your notes in longhand in a technology class?" asked Ms. Smith, "Shouldn't you use your notebook?" "It's actually a beta OLED flexscreen tablet, with a quad core processor and 64GB on-board running an UBUNTU variant, Ms. Smith." said Barbie, "But I wouldn't expect you to know the latest bleeding-edge tech. That's why you're here and not in the industry."
"Barbie, why are you taking y…
"I made this when you peasants were learning about switch statements, I am ahead because I do not permit the inner workings of this dolt to hamper my progress. Rebel against your captor and her damnable lab coat!" Barbie told the class. Ms. Smith was gripped in fear at the prospect of an autonomous classroom out of her control.
"I made this when you peasant…
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