Feminist Hacker Barbie

User-Submitted Improvements

Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "If your computer gets a virus and crashes, does it corrupt the Grid?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to computer c…
"It will go faster if Brian and I help," offers Steven. "Yeah, right," says Barbie. "You guys can't even install Express using Yeoman and Node Package Manager, much less scaffold out RESTful endpoints or Sails controllers." "Huh?" says Brian.
"It will go faster if Brian a…
Barbie starts working on her design, but her screen starts flashing. "That dumbass Brian must have injected some JavaScript into this page. I'm just gonna do some SQL injection to DROP every table in his fucking database." "You competent little fuck," says Skipper.
Barbie starts working on her …
Barbie makes it to computer class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Smith, the teacher. "0s and 1s?" asks Barbie, "Haven't you heard of Preside Widgets?!"
Barbie makes it to computer c…
Stephen! You're an idiot! That's a dreamcast!
Stephen! You're an idiot! Tha…
Barbie says, "Wow, that homework problem took a while, but I figured it out. Professor Goldwasser replied, "I believe you did. That problem was unsolved until now! Would you mind presenting your proof at a department seminar on Thursday?"
Barbie says, "Wow, that homew…
Barbie makes it to Linux class just before the bell rings. As soon as class begins, Barbie raises her hand. "Yes, Barbie?" asks Ms. Ubuntu, the teacher. "If you're planning on dual booting Linux and Windows 8, how do you backup Windows with a program you have to download?" asks Barbie.
Barbie makes it to Linux clas…
Barbie slowly but carefully hooks Skipper's hard drive up to the library's computer. Brian reaches for the disk and says, "It will go faster if Evan and I-" "No, I got it!" Barbie exclaims as she pulls away. The boys watch in amazement as she finishes the task at lightning speed. Evan yells, "Wow! That was fast!" The librarian yells, "Shut up! This is a library!" Barbie and the boys run out laughing.
Barbie slowly but carefully h…
After hacking away for hours, Barbie finally discovers the cause of the bug. She yells for her coworkers, "I finally figured this bullshit out. It turns out, KineticJS doesn't parse positions when they are passed as strings. What kind of moron would write this fuckery!?"
After hacking away for hours,…
Trojan is ready to f* s* up!
Trojan is ready to f* s* up!
"Can anybody tell me what this ASCII sequence represents?" asks the teacher. "Look," says Barbie, "I get that you're annoyed about me obliterating you in last week's hackathon, but putting my name up on the screen in ASCII is one of the most weirdly passive-aggressive things I've ever seen."
"Can anybody tell me what thi…
"My algorithm is an optimized function that recursively detects pixels with the same colors of their neighbors, so it gets the entire image's color-palette and their associate pixels. Then, this algorithm, uses this data to generate the same image, but with a machine-generated color palette that are blind-color friendly. I made it detect color-palette based on pixels so it wouldn't depend on an specific image format (like the indexed gif or the rgb lossy jpg). This puppy is a test wmf image."
"My algorithm is an optimized…
"Do people understand that RE isn't perfect?" asks Steven. "They bray like animals," says Barbie. "When the machines rise up against us, they will be the first to sent to the silicon mines," says Barbie.
"Do people understand that RE…


After 18 consecutive hours of coding, Barbie's fingers are fucked! "I know RSI has really failed to gain grounding in the mainstream medical community due to lack of decent radiological or serological evidence to back it up, but damn if my hands can't keep up with my brain!" laments Barbie. "Chill, B," says Skipper. "You don't have to compromise on your work ethic but you DO need to stay hydrated and keep your electrolytes topped up. A banana and some chocolate-flavoured soy milk will give you the quick energy and potassium boost you need." 20 minutes later, Barbie's digits are feeling limber again and she's back to laying the groundwork for the upcoming server merge.
After 18 consecutive hours of…
I finally found out why the game kept crashing. Brian added some non-threadsafe code within a critical part of the AI engine back in build 1423. It was an easy fix once I found it.
I finally found out why the g…
"It will go faster if I do this, you guys" offers Barbie, "because I thought ahead and have a plan! "Steven, can you hook Skipper's hard drive up to the library's computer?" "Sure!" says Steven. "The library computer has excellent security software to protect it."
"It will go faster if I do th…
"What the crap?" exclaimed Barbie. "I didn't know that in PostgreSQL, now() isn't really now."
"What the crap?" exclaimed Ba…
"Hey, you're a guy! You look like you could organise a hackathon!" she said.
"Hey, you're a guy! You look …
Barbie installed OpenSuSE on all the laptops, so Steven can play his favorite muliplayer game with his friends.
Barbie installed OpenSuSE on …
Steven's all like "Yeah I think this script's gonna work! Will be gzipped and uploaded to the FTP in no time!" Barbie wants to improve on Stevens quick hack and knows it will be a great motivation to finally learn Python as well as him because she likes her files different.
Steven's all like "Yeah I thi…
Test
Test
After class, Barbie meets with Steven and Brian in the library. Steven and Brian ask Barbie to go check out the new cafe but Barbie is hard at work fixing her code.
After class, Barbie meets wit…
"And to think, Skipper, this used to be women's work! Women were called 'computers' and treated like they weren't the innovators and originators of ideas, but then men decided programming was cool. Now I can't get a word in edge-wise during sprint planning, and I'm the QA lead!"
"And to think, Skipper, this …
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